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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553331">REVELATIONS</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohfaiths/pseuds/ohfaiths'>ohfaiths</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Far Cry 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It gets better I promise, Other Additional Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:20:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohfaiths/pseuds/ohfaiths</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lorraine isn’t sure why she came here. Despite the sunny weather - where everything blooms, with children running around happy and joyful that summer had arrived - Lorraine feels sick. She could blame her state on the drugs or the alcohol she had but surprisingly, they aren’t the reason. She is simply exhausted; broken; lost.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Faith Seed &amp; Original Female Character(s), John Seed/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. inside eden's gate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, it is finally here. I was anxious about writing and posting it in general, but I became so addicted to my OC that it just kind of... happened. I really can't thank enough all these wonderful angels who supported me and who helped me with beta reading and encouraged me every time I was sharing headcanons or ideas for the story. This is the best fandom I've been in so far and I think I am ready to tell you Lorraine's story. </p><p>I am kind of a slow-writer and multi-chap fics are not my strong side, but I will do my best. And of course, I hope you like it. There are some heavy topics in this story, for obvious reason and I will be writing warnings at the beginning of the chapter. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it despite chapters being rather short 🤓</p><p>This chapter is beta-read by the loveliest snapbackbuddies aka stacispratt on tumblr. Thank you so much, Trin! ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lorraine isn’t sure why she came here. Despite the sunny weather - where everything blooms, with children running around happy and joyful that summer had arrived - Lorraine feels sick. She could blame her state on the drugs or the alcohol she had but surprisingly, they aren’t the reason.</p><p> </p><p>She is simply exhausted; broken; lost.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands are shaking, her breathing is raspy. She’s fucking suffocating. Yes, that would be the right word to describe it.</p><p> </p><p>The atmosphere in this church is both terrifying and peaceful at once, and Lora experiences cognitive dissonance just thinking how that’s possible. She wants to run away from here, but she sits firmly on her ass on the pew, unable to look away from the man standing on the podium.</p><p> </p><p>He’s giving a sermon, something about safety and the beginning of the new era - Lora doesn’t really dive into the details - but she does notice how hypnotizing he is. Confident in what he’s preaching, so welcoming, yet something is off about him.</p><p> </p><p>Joseph Seed.</p><p> </p><p>Some call him the Father.</p><p> </p><p>But Lorraine came here for another reason. A reason she doesn't see among those who are present here.</p><p> </p><p>Not for the first time in her life Lora curses herself for being so damn stupid. She expects too much from the people who once hurt her; she keeps forgiving them, gives them a second chance; then they hurt her again and Lora yet again plays the victim of the choices she once made. She keeps repeating the same mistake over and over again and she doesn't know what else she expects, especially from her former best friend who suddenly disappeared and then was found wearing different clothes; different identity.</p><p> </p><p>Lorraine tried to reach to Rachel. Or Faith. Whatever her name is now. She's not sure the letters she sent to her best friend ever reached her, but it doesn't matter anymore. What really matters is that Lorrain came here herself, watching and listening to Joseph Seed.</p><p> </p><p>It's one familiar word that makes Lorraine hold her breath, the trigger she didn't know she had.</p><p> </p><p>"For all the hopeless and hopeful - this is not the end of your life. You came here following your heart, the desire that leads you to me - to your Father. To someone who listens to you, someone who cares about you. Those who abandoned you have no idea what they have lost - but your life, your soul - it aches for the missing piece that you did not need in the first place."</p><p> </p><p>A single tear runs on Lorraine's cheek down her throat; she isn’t sure how Joseph's words manage to bring these emotions out of her, but she feels like she needs this. She needs to hear these words, the words of encouragement and love and support.</p><p> </p><p>"I am your Father. And you are my children. Together, we are strong; we are united; we help and love each other."</p><p> </p><p>A sob escapes Lora's lips and it's a matter of minutes until she can't hold her tears anymore. She meets Joseph's eyes and she feels like she can't breathe, and all of this feels like death. Lorraine doesn't mind death; she's not scared of it. She's not sure if someone would miss her if she's gone, but when Joseph approaches her and takes her hands, making Lorraine stand - it feels like she's on the verge of fainting in front of all these people.</p><p> </p><p>Lorraine closes her eyes and tries to escape the Father's grip, but he gently cups her face and leans forward to place a kiss on her forehead. She sobs louder and finally gives up on fighting against the man; she leans into his embrace, clinging for him for dear life.</p><p> </p><p>She feels safe. She feels loved. She wants to feel it all but all she keeps thinking about how she wants the Father's embrace to exile all the demons from her rotten soul.</p><p> </p><p>"Shh," Joseph's voice is soothing right above her ear and Lorraine suddenly feels her hysteria is fading, leaving her hiccupping. "You don't have to fight your demons on your own, my child. We have all been there. We have all experienced pain and suffering. You,  myself, my brothers - and this is why we are here to help you. To lead you to a better life, free from the sin and the monsters that eat you alive inside and out."</p><p> </p><p>Lorraine knows that nothing would change after she leaves this place. She'd keep on drinking and taking drugs, scream from pain and sorrow till she passes out and this circle would start again. She's stuck in the loop of unfortunate events and depression, too afraid to go to the therapist or ask for help. She thinks she deserves it and for once, she knows it's true.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe - just maybe - what Joseph Seed offers can somehow save her life. Maybe she would wake up in the mornings with a purpose, something to live for. Lorraine wonders what it's like to wake up and start your day with a smile, not with the destructive thoughts of never waking up again, dying peacefully in your sleep.</p><p> </p><p>"What is your name, child?"</p><p> </p><p>The blonde girl shudders, and it takes two minutes to realise that he's talking to her.</p><p> </p><p>"Lor- Lorraine."</p><p> </p><p>"Are you unhappy, Lorraine?"</p><p> </p><p>Lora bites her bottom lip, trying to calm her nerves down a little. She feels the eyes on them and it's unsettling.</p><p> </p><p>"I... I don't know... I guess, I-," Lorraine's voice is quiet but she doesn't want anyone else to hear their conversation. "I don't want to go home. It's... I feel lonely. I... I don't have anyone to go to or ask for help."</p><p> </p><p>There it is. She finally said it. Finally admitted that her home is the source of her bad habits and the loneliness where everything reminds her of Rachel - Faith. All the polaroids she cannot burn and empty bottles she's unable to throw away because whenever she looks she sees her best friend and she can't fucking live without her. Her parents who completely ignore her presence, as if she's nothing but a speck of dust on the kitchen floor.</p><p> </p><p>Lora knows codependence is dangerous and she tried to move on, she really did. It's just a matter of time, two days maximum without the booze, and the next day three bottles at once, if only to forget. Forget what Rachel looked like, forget their midnight talks and running away from their parents late at night to stargaze. Forget that she's slowly killing herself, dragging out the process because she thinks that she deserves pain.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't want to feel lonely." Lorraine shakes her head, finally looking up and meeting Joseph's stare. His eyes are hypnotizing. She could easily get lost in them. "I don't... I don't want to leave."</p><p> </p><p>"You won't have to," Joseph grins, brushing the rest of her tears with his thumb. Then, he grabs her shoulders and leads her to the podium with him. Lorraine can't help but lean into him when he turns her around, where everybody can see them. "Brother! Sisters! Your sufferings can easily be gone if you let us help you. Here, you will not be judged or left alone - we are all here to take care of you. Together, we will march to Eden's Gate."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. my soul couldn't laugh</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There is a promise of a new friend, but also an immense amount of thinking.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lorraine experiences an existential crisis that everyone can relate to.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lorraine doesn't know if she made a mistake or not.</p><p> </p><p>She keeps repeating the events of the day in her mind like a broken record, feeling both mentally and physically exhausted. The white noise in her head is yet another reminder of how lost Lorraine is, how terrifyingly lonely she is in this big scary world and she wants <em>it to go away</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Shut down the noise in her head. Do something till she feels numb and maybe won’t feel too much at once.</p><p> </p><p>Her mind registers the music and laughs behind her back, where the member of Eden's Gate celebrate those who joined their family, but Lorraine doesn't feel like celebrating. If anything, she feels empty after her mental breakdown in front of everyone; after Joseph Seed embraced her as if she was his daughter and promised that the pain would go away.</p><p> </p><p>She knows it takes time. But she waited too damn long and Lorraine wants it to disappear right here, right now.</p><p> </p><p>It's a warm summer evening, with lovely weather and a gorgeous sunset, but nothing makes Lora happy anymore. She sits far away from the barn other people celebrate in, staring at her hands and wondering if she made a good decision. She's bad at making decisions; they almost always lead her to trouble, and Lorraine is not sure if she's able to deal with them on her own.</p><p> </p><p>Not so long ago, she had her best friend by her side. Rachel was there whenever Lora felt like she'd break and shatter; she was there to remind her that the life was worth living despite the issues they were going through; that together, they'd make it.</p><p> </p><p>Back then, Lorraine had someone to wake up for in the morning, someone worth the fight. Now, she is a lost human being on the verge of taking her life because this is not the life Lorraine wants for herself; yet, she's too damn tired to fight on.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps joining Eden's Gate is the best choice Lorraine ever made. She just doesn't know about it yet.</p><p> </p><p>Lora takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, counts to ten to calm her nerves down. She clenches her shaking hands in fists, trying not to scratch nails against her soft skin. The gesture is so familiar it becomes a destructive habit of hers.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Get it together, Lorraine, for fuck's sake. You're not a quitter. This is not the end of the world.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She wants to believe what Joseph Seed told her when no one heard them; that she is special, that she deserves a better life and he could give it to her, but she needed to forgive herself for all the things she's done. It felt like he knew exactly what Lorraine did, and it scared her, but she felt safe around him. Even thinking about their little conversation Lora feels shivers down her spine, the little hairs standing on her arms. She can only imagine her reaction to when she finally sees Rachel - sister Faith - just thinking about her former best friend makes Lorraine lose her damn mind.</p><p> </p><p>She knows about other Seeds, too. There's <em>John</em> and there's <em>Jacob</em>. They weren't at the sermon but Lora felt like it would be no less stressful to meet them. Just thinking about it makes her nervous. What are they like? What do they do for the project? Will they be a part of Lorraine's rebirth?</p><p> </p><p>Life is full of questions Lorraine doesn't have answers to.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde sniffs and her fingers reach her wet cheek - she hadn't realized she was crying. Lorraine hates herself for being such a cry baby, but this is the only healthy coping mechanism she can use right now. There's no alcohol nor drugs and it feels like a damn tragedy because Lorraine can't live without them, but she promised the Father that she'll do better. She has to.</p><p> </p><p>Crying is the only option, so Lorraine allows herself to get lost in her feelings and let the tears wash away her darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Her peaceful ugly crying session is suddenly interrupted, by shuffling behind Lora's back that makes her brush away her tears and to look more or less decent.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, come join us! You're missing all the fun!"</p><p> </p><p>Lorraine's heart shatters a little; she didn't know why she expected Rachel find her, she may not even know her former friend had joined Eden's Gate.</p><p> </p><p>A girl sits beside Lora and their gazes meet. Lorraine doesn't know this girl; she's young, about her age and her eyes are glimmering in the dusk of the summer evening. Her hair is raven black and the eyes have weird blue shade with emerald glimmer. Lora thinks she's very pretty and smiles shyly, unsure of what to say. Luckily, the intruder introduces herself and extends a hand for a handshake.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm Bethany, by the way. Or Beth."</p><p> </p><p>"Lorraine," the blonde takes Bethany's hand and clutches it lightly.</p><p> </p><p>"Ah, you're the new one!" Beth exclaims. Opposite Lora, she's full of life and enthusiasm. "The Father has been asking about you. Wondered where you’d gone."</p><p> </p><p>"Why?" Lorraine furrows, slightly puzzled by what Bethany told her. Why would Joseph want to see her?</p><p> </p><p>Bethany shrugs, laying on the grass and closes her eyes. "I suspect he wanted to introduce you to others. Brother John and Jacob, sister Faith. You haven't met them?"</p><p> </p><p>Lorraine wants to scream. She could have seen Rachel today - look into her eyes and finally find peace, knowing that at least she was alive - but due to her stupid habit of self-isolating, she's missed this opportunity.</p><p> </p><p>"N-no, not yet," she swallows a lump in her throat and looks away.</p><p> </p><p>"You will very soon," Bethany opens her eyes and sits back up. Lora feels her staring at her. It makes her uncomfortable but she must stay polite and kind.</p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean soon?"</p><p> </p><p>"There are a lot of newcomers this week," Beth lowers her voice but the excitement doesn't die in her demeanor. "The Father and his brothers are arranging the baptism this weekend! Oh, I shall find you a dress for this. Do you mind lace? It'll look <strong>good</strong> on you."</p><p> </p><p>Lorraine hates lacy stuff. It's uncomfortable and so very not her, though she remains silent and just nods her head. She hopes Bethany leaves her alone after this, but Lorraine feels a cold hand on top of her own and their eyes meet. Bethany reaches her other hand to cup Lorraine's cheek and the world stops existing for them.</p><p> </p><p>"You don't have to be scared anymore. We are all here for you. The Father loves all of us without an exception, and I promise that you find happiness here. It'll be better after baptism, I promise. All you have to do is to follow the Father and trust him. He will not abandon you."</p><p> </p><p>After all, Lorraine wants to believe that everything that she's done leads her on the right path. The path of redemption and forgiveness. The path of love and faith in a better future.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Huge thanks snapbackbuddies aka stacispratt on tumblr for beta this chapter. And thank you for reading this story ♥</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. a leap of faith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lorraine finally meets her former best friend, but the meeting goes not as Lorraine expected.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: panic attacks, implied drug abuse, depressive thoughts. nothing too graphical, just a heads up.<br/>big thanks racheljessop/adelaidedrubman on tumblr for beta this chapter ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One week and three days later, Lorraine started to think that she might have made the biggest mistake of her life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was something eerie about the people, about Joseph Seed - about this whole atmosphere in her small room, achingly white and disgustingly clean - that made Lorraine want to escape this place. Eden's Gate didn't look as inviting as it was at first sight and Lora had troubles keeping her face straight during the sermons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She noticed the changes in her mind. As if something switched her perception of reality and shut down the old her. Whenever Lorraine tried to return to her former self, she felt like she was suffocating; the image was blurred and torn around the edges, painful to look at. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The withdrawals were another source of pain Lorraine experienced almost daily. It was hard for the first couple of days; Lora was looking for ways to get a dose or ask someone to sneak alcohol in, but she didn't want Joseph to find out about it. She knew he'd find out. She noticed the way he was watching her during breakfast. Despite being surrounded by other members - brothers and sisters - he chose </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>and it was terrifying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, it was slightly easier with her new friend by her side. She was an odd bird, a chatty little one that easily annoyed Lorraine when she wanted a moment of solitude; Bethany followed Lora everywhere, it was impossible to hide from the girl and her constant positive attitude. Lorraine wanted to know how long Bethany has been here, how much she knew and what kind of secrets this place keeps, though she wouldn't dare ask most of these questions, too afraid to hear what Bethany had to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For now, it was better not to know that, considering Lorraine felt the demons of her past invade her brain. Unwanted and disgusting; a reminder of who she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde was sitting at the edge of her bed, staring down at her shaking hands, trying to control whatever tremor possessed her. She's been having a lot of trouble with self-control lately, along with sleepless nights where she was staring at the dark ceiling, thinking about everything and nothing at once. She was damn sure that there was something wrong going on here but was too afraid to mention it, even in conversations with Beth. Was she paranoid? Was it her overthinking again? Was it Joseph Seed and his eerie aura that made her doubt whatever she dragged herself into? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You are not going crazy," Lora whispered to herself, trying to be confident though her shaky voice betrayed her facade of being a strong person. "You are here for a reason. They are </span>
  <em>
    <span>helping </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. Remember what you are here for."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rachel.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was there for Rachel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Rachel Jessop that didn't even exist anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this very thought, Lora felt sick and she closed her eyes, swallowing a lump in her throat. Would it be too bold of her to ask the Father about her? Would it be the sign of Lorraine's distrust? Would Joseph think that she was accusing him of kidnapping and brainwashing Lorraine's best friend?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A loud knock interrupted Lorraine's thinking process and she let out a tiny noise, suddenly feeling on edge. What the fuck was wrong with her today?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine moved to open the door and was immediately met with the same friendly smile she saw a couple of nights ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hi! Are you ready?" Bethany was as cheerful as ever, holding two cups with an odd but pretty looking drink in them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ready? For what?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"For meeting with sister Faith, of course!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine felt the earth slipping underneath her feet at the mention of her best friend. She opened her mouth to say something - anything - but couldn't find any words. Fuck, it was her chance to finally see Rachel, even if just for a split second, why would she feel so fucking scared and unsure all of the sudden?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Exciting, isn't it?" Bethany moved past Lorraine into her room, leaving the blonde to shut the door, trying to process what Bethany was saying. "She's like, both captivating and scary at once, you know what I mean? But she means well, she really does. Oh, I brought these for us." Beth nods at the cups in her hand, shoving one in Lora's hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She eyes it suspiciously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What is that?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just sugared water."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That... looks like absinthe."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alcohol is prohibited here, silly", Bethany laughs and stands, perhaps, a little bit too close to Lorraine. "Don't worry. It's not poison. Sister Faith was actually giving this to us when we first joined. And now we take a shot every time before we meet her. It’s like some syrup, nothing dangerous."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought alone that Rachel has been up to some shit that involved booze and chemicals doesn't surprise Lorraine. She was always smart. Despite their troubled past, Rachel was the one who helped Lorraine with chemistry and maths, always patient and ready to explain whatever crap Lora didn't understand. Not that Dorsey started to get better grades, but it was another way of spending more time with her best friend and she wasn't the one to miss it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay," Lora finally gave in and leaned to smell the drink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some flowery notes, citrus; was it lime? Something sweet but not too much, just the right amount to enjoy the taste and savour it, ask for more. Lorraine felt the sugar on her tongue, and something else - she couldn't identify the taste. She felt dizzy for a moment but Bethany grabbed Lora by her upper arm and steadied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Easy there," she grinned, finding eye contact with the blonde. "It's always like this when you try it for the first time. It gets better. You get used to it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's... something else," Lorraine licked her lips, feeling herself needing more. "What was it that you gave me, again?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sugared water, I told you. Something like a lemonade, if you prefer. Let's go now, or we'll be late. Sister Faith would be upset if we miss the ceremony!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck was she on about?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell was going on?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And, last but not least, what the hell was wrong with <strong>Lorraine</strong>?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt like the whole world was spinning and she was transcending into another fucking dimension. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine followed Beth blindly, holding her hand and allowing the other girl to lead. The world outside was brighter than Lorraine expected it to be but also much clearer than she remembered it. She saw the glimmering morning dew on the grass, the birds were chirping louder making her head hurt and the whole surroundings were somehow brighter yet glossed at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever Bethany gave her wasn't just a fucking sugared water. Lora knew that there's one way she'd feel like that and she was very much aware that she did; it was Rachel who suggested they take LSD and it was rather an experience for both of them. An experience Lorraine wasn't particularly proud of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde wasn't sure where Bethany was taking her, following the girl blindly and trying to take control of her thoughts and emotions. She felt good. But she also felt like her heart would combust, and she'd die, and if it were a heart attack, Lorraine would meet her death with open arms, ready to descend into whatever reality death takes her in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus, what the fuck?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine didn't notice that they finally stopped, and it took her a moment to get back to herself, blinking a couple of times hoping that the glossy image would go away. It was slightly better, but Lorraine's head still swam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked around, taking in the surroundings: something like a clearing, lots of flowers and green grass, the beginning of the forest behind their backs. But it didn't surprise Lorraine as much as the statue, the one that looked very similar to the Father.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Impressive, huh?" Bethany's voice was sharper than Lorraine remembered it and she cringed at the loudness of it. "Sister Faith was a part of building it. I can only imagine how much time and resources they spent on this. See, there are people over there?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine followed Bethany's stare, sceptic about actually seeing people - the statue was fucking enormous - but she was surprised actually seeing little black dots. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How... how is that even possible?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They are going to take the leap of faith."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The what?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Watch! And you'll see."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany sounded so thrilled. As if she was receiving her most desired present on Christmas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Lorraine looked. And she'd rather not do that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A man spread his arms, taking a step forward, Lorraine's heart skipping a huge beat once he let go, shearing through time and space. The blonde's breath hitched for a moment and she found herself unable to breathe, an old memory shadowing at the back of her mind before Lora could even stop it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her and Rachel running away from their parents at two am, climbing into the tallest building; laughing and smoking a joint, mixing it with the whiskey Rachel stole, joking about dying young; Lorraine stepping too close to the edge of the roof, downing the rest of whiskey, stumbling on her feet and losing her balance; panic and screams, clutching to Rachel's slim hand and asking her not to let go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The memory, so old and wretched, cut deep wounds in Lorraine's heart and she couldn't control herself anymore. Automatically, she grabbed the closest thing that was to her - and that happened to be Bethany's wrist - squeezing it tightly. She might have let out a scream and now people were staring at her but Lorraine didn't notice them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All that mattered was this poor man jumping - and for what? To prove loyalty? To join them? Was this something the Seed family was actually doing? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I- I need to-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, everything okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"N-no," Lora found some strength in her to look at Bethany, trying to find the right words. "He just- how-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't worry," Beth turned to Lorraine and cupped her face in her warm hands. "He wouldn't do it if he didn't know he'd survive."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He- what? Survive?! How can he-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Look!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany turned Lorraine's face to the side and what Lora saw didn't make any sense to her. She was losing her fucking mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The very same man stood in front of the cheering and applauding crowd, looking very much alive - no scratch, no blood drop - he looked... fine. Absolutely fucking fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it was the woman that stood behind his back that drew Lorraine's attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Light brown hair; green eyes, lithe frame and charming smile. She wore a white floral dress, barefoot and looking very much alive - a new person; Faith Seed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was ethereally beautiful and awfully different. Lorraine felt sick thinking how much her former friend had changed and that now she was a completely different person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She made people jump off the statue. The people that didn't die and Lorraine wasn't sure what kind of magic it was because she didn't believe in magic. It's not real; there must be something that messed with her mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had to go. Run away from all these freaks and remember who she was and what she was doing here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine let go of Beth's hand, escaping her forced embrace and disgustingly positive aura. How could she be this happy? Doesn't she see what's going on here? The blonde ignored Bethany's calls, rushing to the woods, seeking solitude and a minute of silence. Except Lorraine couldn't stop her rapidly beating heart and sobs that she couldn't contain anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine walked and walked and walked until she felt like she couldn't go further anymore, falling on her knees, trying to level her breathing and calm down; forget what she saw and who she saw. She could never think that seeing Rachel - Faith - would cause her to run away, suffocating and giving into her panic attack, the old memories of who they were hurting Lora more than she'd imagine they'd hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's okay," she breathed out, burying her hands in messy hair, burying her head between her legs; she wanted to disappear. It was too much. "It's okay."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It wasn't okay. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was a fucking nightmare. The nightmare Lorraine couldn't wake up from.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was this her life now? Full of unanswered questions and ghosts of the past? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What did she drag herself into?</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. oh, the bliss will set you free</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for: dark thoughts, mental breakdown, subtle manipulation. Betad by the lovely racheljessop/adelaidedrubman on tumblr. In other news, Bethany now has a face claim and it's Freya Tingley! She's a minor character but I still wanted to pick a FC for her.</p><p>You can also listen to oh the bliss (reinterpretation) by hammock to feel the atmosphere ✨</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lorraine doesn't remember how she got home; she might have passed out in the forest, the emotions she felt during that moment were too heavy for her to handle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wakes up in her bed, the windows are slightly open, swinging due to the wind. Lorraine feels like she's been stabbed a thousand times - repeatedly - and it takes her a while to open her eyes. She registers the sound of thunder outside, the silence of this place too deafening. She tries to make herself get up, do some mundane morning routine, but even breathing itself makes her head spin; she's unable to move, paralyzed from an unknown force.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She keeps seeing the very same picture; the man falling off the statue; him being alive and well, approaching them as if nothing had happened; Rachel's face - so serene and proud - that Lorraine doesn't recognise it anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She came here to find out the truth; ask her best friend if it was easy enough to leave Lorraine; was it worth it? Did Rachel feel anything before disappearing? The idea of joining Eden's Gate seems like a huge mistake, but there was no other option for Lorraine. Even if she went back to her previous life, she'd keep on doing drugs and getting wasted and slowly killing herself. She used to have someone to watch over her, but asking Tracey Lader to start their rotten friendship again seemed like another bad idea. And Lorraine had a few.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora was always slightly terrified of Tracey. She was the most responsible one in their group, the most rational one. It would be Tracey stopping Rachel and Lorraine from doing stupid shit that would probably kill them. Whether it was doing coke and mixing it with martinis to see if they can get higher than they already were, or Lorraine's spontaneous idea to climb the highest building and sit at the edge of the rooftop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, thinking about her past, Lorraine realised that all this time she was testing fate; playing hide and seek with death, trying to figure out how long she'd be able to stay alive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, Lorraine was simply scared. After watching the ritual, or whatever it was, she thought it would be easy to die; living is harder, painful and full of disappointments and betrayals. These moments, however, made Lorraine human. She is alive. Her heart beats and she is too young to die. Lorraine can easily swallow a deadly amount of pills but she hasn't done it yet. She hasn't seen The Great Wall, she hasn't tasted real Italian pasta, there are a lot of things on her wishlist that she hasn't tried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora may joke about suicide all day long but deep inside, she doesn't want to die; be selfish, move on and live against all odds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's a soft knock that makes Lorraine shudder a bit, but she doesn't have enough strength and, frankly, will to open it. She doesn't care what people may think; let them think she's gone, ran away like a coward after experiencing another mental breakdown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Lorraine? May I come in?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, it would be her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany is like the Father's little puppy, following her around and barking optimistic comments on how wonderful this place is and how their lives are better with the Father in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora hopes that the girl walks away and leaves her alone. Lorraine has a lot to think about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm coming in."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora curses in her mind. She can literally feel Bethany's energy filling in the room, making it almost unbearable to breathe. She immediately wants to jump out of the window only to finally have some peace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You haven't eaten for two days already," Bethany sits at the edge of Lora's bed, and the blonde wants to scream. "Do you want me to bring something to you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. All Lorraine wants is some fucking peace and quiet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora swallows but doesn't turn around to face the other girl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Right," Bethany sighs and Lora hears a dull click on her bedside table. A cup? "I'm sorry you are going through this. The Father says that it's important to face your demons, whoever they are. It will pass soon. You just need time."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or a lobotomy, Lorraine thinks. She closes her eyes, hoping to fall asleep. Her hand itches to take the sedative pills she keeps hidden underneath her bed but she doesn't want to move. Her aching body wouldn't let her; one move and she's going to throw up or pass out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have to believe in this, Lorraine. You must believe in us," there's a different tone Bethany uses; one Dorsey hasn't heard before. It sends shivers down her spine. "You must stay strong. For the Father, for this project, for yourself - or you're going to die sooner than your time actually comes. I believe in you. The Father believes in you. Do you believe in yourself, Lorraine?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is a single tear cascading down her cheek and Lorraine bites her lip - hard - to muffle her sobs. God, she wants to scream. She wants to lose her voice because keeping all of her emotions to herself has been one hell of a work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We can't save you if you don't want to be saved. And I truly believe that deep down, you realise that you came here to be rescued.. We can give everything to you. The comfort, the love, everything you dreamed of. All you have to do is to stay strong because eventually, it'll be worth the pain and suffering you are going through. I know what you feel. I've been in the very same place, and it took me an immense amount of effort not to quit."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine doesn't want to quit. That's the whole point. She realizes that if she walks out of this place, she'll die. But for now, it's too much. She's always been an emotional being, but recent events made a complete mess out of her. She feels like she is losing herself, that part of her flakes away in the most painful way, leaving her to bleed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wants to scream for help, but she can't. She doesn't know how to ask for help, especially when it would be always her helping others, forgetting about her own being in the process.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine feels Beth's slim fingers thread through her blonde hair. She hasn't showered in three days. She feels dirty, broken, a decaying body of a girl who used to seek help in booze and drugs; she doesn't have any of these right now. Nothing she could drown her worries in, left alone to face them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde closes her eyes, trying to prevent herself from crying, but the tears escape anyway, leaving Lorraine shaking. She can't look at Bethany, she can't move. Her emotions paralyze her, leaving no room for her to do something in order to feel better; she wants the other girl to leave her alone but she also wants her to hold her. Someone's arms to embrace her, tell everything will be fine and she shouldn't feel guilty for being such a weak, spineless and emotional mess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the back of her mind, Lorraine hears the creak of the door opening. The atmosphere in the room changes in a matter of seconds, Lorraine stiffs and slowly opens her eyes, trying to blink away the blurry image of her gaze. She feels Bethany removing her hand and Lora wants to scream; grab Beth's arm so she'd continue stroking her hair, soothing her. The only source of comfort is gone and Lorraine feels like a deer caught in the headlights - terrified and disoriented. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn't last long, though. A soothing voice fills the room, mixed with the approaching thunder outside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let the tears wash away your sins, my child," Lora feels Joseph sitting on the empty side of her bed, his fingers tangled in her messy hair. Lorraine closes her eyes. "Take a deep breath. Focus on your feelings, watch them leave one by one, a cloud of smoke that made it difficult for you to see your worth. Your strength. Your value. Let it all out, my child."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine's heart skips a beat and she feels that she won't be able to hold it anymore. She muffles her mouth with a pillow, screaming into it until her throat feels dry and on fire. Every betrayal, every destructive thought and all the hurt she experienced for the past few years along with the abuse and suicidal thoughts flicker in front of her eyes, turning into dust. She screams until there's nothing left and she feels empty. Relieved, but empty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How can he be so damn good at this? Lorraine listens to his voice, does exactly what he says and it's the matter of minutes until the tears dry on her cheeks and as if on cue, she turns around to lay on her back, feeling relaxed. Swimming in the ocean of peace and quiet, floating in the air like a balloon, feeling ten pounds lighter. She opens her eyes slowly, meeting the Father's stare. He is smiling, his hands cup her face as he leans to place a soft kiss on Lorraine's forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You shall not forget that you are a child of God. Divine, flawless creature that does not deserve the pain you go through. I can give you everything you need, but you must remember God is watching us. We shall believe he wouldn't give us the path we are walking if he didn't believe we could endure all the things we meet walking this path."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine knows he's right. It's easy; like one plus one equals two, but she thinks that it's more of a punishment rather than a test. A test she still has a chance to pass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Your story hasn't ended yet," Joseph helps her to sit straight, brushes away blonde locks off her face. Lora feels small; helpless. A small child. The Father takes the cup from Lora's bedside table and takes her hands. Together, they held the cup with a glimmery pale green drink in it, staring into each other's eyes. Lorraine feels hypnotised but she enjoys it; she feels weightless. "Why don't we write it the way we want?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Father pushes their hands gently, watching Lorraine taking one sip, then two, five, and then until she's finished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taste is familiar like the one Bethany gave her yesterday except it's different. It's spicier and heavier, the notes of citrus making Lorraine's head spin. Luckily, Joseph is there to help her lay down, tucking her in like a baby, a kiss on the forehead to make her feel safe and sound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sleep, my child. You feel better tomorrow."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's the matter of minutes until Lorraine dozes off, completely and utterly feeling at peace. A blissful feeling.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. let the water wash away your sins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: mentions of drug/alcohol abuse; dark thoughts. This chapter has zero angst, so hope you enjoy it ♥ <br/>Big thanks lilwritingraven for beting this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next time Lorraine opens her eyes, she feels like a feather. A weightless, soft feather that floats in the air and never touches the ground as if an unspeakable force controls it. It’s a beautiful feeling nonetheless; Lora hadn’t felt this light since she took a dose of cocaine with Rachel and went on a ridiculously long yet wonderful trip. Old memories hurt like a sharpened knife in her heart, a reminder of who she used to be and what she was doing to feel alive. Now, her methods of trying to escape reality seem like a destructive coping mechanism Lorraine, and she must kill this habit of hers, that part of her old self: bury it six feet under and never come back. She decides that this morning is perfect for the funeral.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girl eyes the surroundings; she is still in her room, except it looks… different. There’s less chaos on the floor, the room itself looks clean and fresh. The perfectly white bed sheets don't hurt Lorraine's eyes as they used to; she rather enjoys such a pristine and perfectly pure aesthetic of her bedroom. It smells like peonies and honey and Lorraine huffs a little when she notices the bouquet of aforementioned peonies resting on her coffee table. She notices a crystal decanter there as well; thousands of sunshine rays are glimmering in the water, hypnotizing and making Lorraine smile. Lora moves slowly, leaning back against the pillows, listening to the silence that no longer makes her head hurt; in this silence, she doesn't hear her own demons that used to shriek at her, tearing her apart and for the first time in her life, Lorraine enjoys the silence without allowing her destructive thoughts to destroy her existence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She feels refreshed as if someone turned off her brain and restarted it – it feels good not to think about anything for a while, especially in the morning. Lorraine doesn’t remember the last time she woke up like this: not shaking from the withdrawals, not rushing to the toilet to clear her stomach, not thinking about how wonderful it would have been not to wake up at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A familiar knock interrupts Lorraine’s peaceful morning, but it’s not like Lora doesn’t want to see anyone. A familiar friendly face appears, beaming widely and looking oh so ethereal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning!” Bethany enters Lorraine’s bedroom and shuts the door softly behind her. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m… okay,” Lora shrugs. Then she looks away and bites her lip as if waiting for her demons to speak up. She smiles when she hears none. “I don’t remember the last time I slept so well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s good,” Bethany sits on the empty side of the bed and pushes a steaming cup towards Lorraine. “Morning tea. The Father sends his best regards.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Father.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora takes a sip of the tea – sweet, floral, citrusy, such a familiar taste – and remembers: </span>
  <em>
    <span>it’s a blurred image of Joseph Seed, sitting beside her and telling Lorraine that she should let it all go; he pushes the cup and makes her drink concoction that looks like absinthe and tastes like extremely sweet citrus lemonade. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The more Lorraine tries to remember, the more she realizes that thinking about it makes her head hurt. She wonders if her memory tries to block the memories of their latest meeting, hiding painful fragments of Lorraine's breakdown; her tears, her screaming, her pain and sorrow that she keeps to herself, suppresses her emotions and pretends to be stronger than she is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde remembers Father telling her she must let it all go. Is that what she did the last time? Is this why she feels so free? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He says that you are ready, Lorraine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blond girl raises an eyebrow, meeting Bethany's gaze. It's not as glossed as it used to be but there's still something dreamy about her. It both terrified and excited Lora. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ready for what?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"For the cleansing. You will officially become a part of our family tonight, Lorraine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora's not sure why it sounds so... special. The ritual she's actually interested in and would like to be a part of it. There's something sacred and beautiful about the way Bethany describes it and Lorraine actually looks forward to the end of the day. She suddenly realizes that time as a whole concept slowly disappears for her - Lora doesn't know what day it is, how much she slept - but it doesn't really matter. It feels like a damn eternity since she came here, seeking for help and refuge, a lost girl who had no will to live, no motivation to move on or to quit her bad habits. Lorraine catches herself thinking about all of the recent events and how the Father helped her to see the light at the end of the tunnel, made her feel loved and important and </span>
  <em>
    <span>she can move mountains</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The time doesn't matter, not when Lorraine Dorsey finally killed her demons and proved herself she deserves </span>
  <em>
    <span>forgiveness</span>
  </em>
  <span>; she deserves </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just thinking about her path makes Lorraine's eyes fill with tears and she hears Bethany gasp. Lora looks up to meet her friend's eyes but Lorraine is smiling - </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly smiling</span>
  </em>
  <span> - and it feels like heaven.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Lora. It's okay, sweetheart. I'm here. Come."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beth takes the cup from Lorraine's hands and they embrace each other with Lorraine crying silently. She doesn't feel burdened by whatever dark energy she carries inside herself, freed from the shackles she carried for so many years, afraid as hell to let them go because they were the only reminder of who she used to be, the memories she was holding onto, hurting herself most painfully. It felt good to finally breathe without being scared to choke on all of the emotions Lorraine had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm so proud of you," Bethany's voice is a soft whisper near her ear and Lora embraces the girl tightly. A person who was beside her even when Lorraine didn't always want to see her around; a person who didn't blame her for the sins she committed. "We are all proud of you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you," Lora manages to choke out, pulling away and brushing away the tears off her cheeks. "I... I really don't know what I'd do without you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany smiles gently and brushes away Lora's blonde strand from her forehead. "You should finish your tea before we start getting ready for the cleansing. It's going to be a peaceful night or so I've heard! No clouds above, I think we'll be able to see the stars."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Start getting ready now?" Lorraine gets up and finds the clothes she was given when she first arrived here, putting them on awkwardly. "But... but it's just the morning."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It really isn't," Bethany chuckles and takes the empty teacup, moving to the exit from Lorraine's bedroom. "It's almost 5 p.m. You've slept for three days. But do not worry! The ritual won't take too long. I've heard brother John would be joining us as well," the girl sighs dreamily. "It's been a while since I saw him. I think he had to leave back to the city for a couple of weeks, something about paperwork. Anyway, please get ready - brush your hair, take a shower, whatever you need - I will call you for supper in two hours. Have a good day!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora's not sure why Bethany tells her all of this. For all these days - or weeks, whatever - Lorraine had only seen the Father and Faith - and the meeting with the latter one didn't go as Lora expected it to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wants to see her again. When she's more or less mentally stable and less scared of what she may see - a ghost of a girl who used to be her best friend, her soulmate, someone she could go to when things got real bad - and maybe next time, Lorraine would be able to stay sane and talk to Rac- Faith. Her name is Fath. Faith Seed. Lora thinks it's a beautiful name, it fits Rachel perfectly. As if she was born to carry it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine stares at herself in the vanity mirror, millions of thoughts rushing through her mind but all she can truly think about now is tonight's purification. Or cleansing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Baptism</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Whatever it is. It's terrific fun, Lorraine thinks, but she is also looking forward to meeting John Seed - the Father's younger brother. She knows so little about him, and most of the facts were told by Bethany; she says that he is a respected man, a smart one, that he likes to be the centre of attention, that he also can be intimidating when he wants to. This description is all over the place, but so is Eden's Gate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine chuckles to herself. None of this makes sense, but she enjoys it. She enjoys the mess of it all, the sudden change in the way she thinks about this place, about Bethany that somehow managed to become her friend; about the Father and how he helped her to fight on, destroy all the demons that controlled Lorraine and her thoughts. She feels weightless, ready for the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>During the day, Lora finds herself talking to other members of the project; she learns that there are whole families, generations, people of all ages and nationalities and she thinks it's beautiful. When Lorraine feels particularly tired of talking, she joins the kids and they teach her how to weave a flower wreath. Her first three attempts are horrible, and she laughs when the kids scream that she's doing it wrong and instead they make a flower crown for her, putting it on Lorraine’s head and claiming her their flower princess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine has never been happier and she wouldn't dare to remove the flower crown, wearing it proudly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They meet with Bethany exactly two hours later in Lora's bedroom and the other girl gasps when she sees Lorraine wearing the crown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, this is beautiful!" She coos and steps closer, her fingertips dance across the flowers. "This stays on during the baptism. John wouldn't mind, I'm sure. Perfect. This is perfect."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hope so," Lora chuckles. Then she notices a perfectly white something in Beth's arms. "What is this?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh! This is for you," Bethany puts the dress on Lora's bed. "You're going to be amazing, Lora. This flower crown perfectly fits the dress, don't you think?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine hums, her fingers danced across the dress's material. It's a beautiful cotton dress with lines of embroidered blue flowers. Lora quickly changes into the dress, unbothered by her friend's presence and sets the flower crown back on her head. She swirls around so Bethany would see her complete look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Aww, I'm going to cry," Beth purses her lips, trying to keep her emotions to herself. "You look beautiful, Lorraine. And happy. Really happy."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Because I am," the blonde beams. "I... this is so strange. A couple of days ago I wanted to run away and now I'm... I'm glad that I didn't. I'd hate to leave this behind."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I told you to believe in yourself and you did," Bethany takes Lora's hands and squeezes them slightly. "From the very first moment I saw you, I knew you are different. Like any of us, you were so lost and broken, and I just see the woman you became after all these weeks, and this is... this is surreal, Lorraine. Not everyone can walk the path the way you did. I'm so proud of you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girls hug each other and Lorraine thinks how lucky she is to find a friend like this. After so many years crying over Rachel, and then having a panic attack seeing her for the first time in years - Lora still had Bethany by her side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's time," Bethany pulls away and takes Lorraine's hand, dragging her out of the bedroom into the darkness; Lora didn't even notice that it's already the evening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine clutches to her friend's hand, suddenly feeling anxious being among other people. They are all dressed in white and all of them having someone else by their side. Only now Lorraine realizes that Bethany may be her guide; someone Joseph chose for her, some kind of a mentor to guide the lost. Their eyes meet and the girls smile at each other. If anything, Lorraine feels lucky having Beth by her side - a friend who wouldn't judge her for the choices she makes, for her mood swings and the things she says. Bethany is not Rachel's replacement; she is just another person Lorraine can trust and it's beautiful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dorsey finds herself watching other people rather than listening to the Father - although Lora finds his speeches truly inspiring - she watches people come and go, getting Baptised, put under the water and receiving their blessings. Lorraine is so deep into her thoughts that she doesn't notice another person joining the Father, standing beside him and watching everyone like a hawk as if choosing his prey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey!" Dorsey hears her friend tugging at her hand, whispering wildly. "It's him!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Who?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"John Seed!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is so much adoration in Beth's voice that Lorraine thinks she's going to pass out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, wait," Bethany stands on her tiptoes and gasps. "Oh, this is so cool. Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What's happening?" Lorraine giggles, trying to get the information out of her excited friend. "Can you please explain to me why you're so excited all of the sudden?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Brother John is going to choose someone he's going to baptize. That's... rare. He usually baptizes all of the newcomers."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I thought he was a Baptist."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He is," Bethany rolls her eyes. "But sometimes Joseph has to do that because John is out in the city dealing with some paperwork. Shush now!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Brothers, sisters!" The Father raises his arms to the sky, a pleasant smile on his lips. "The night has been blessed by God, allowing my dearest brother John to pick one of you for his special baptism. And remember no matter who is chosen, all of you matter. We love all of you with the same intensity as God, for you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>special</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Now, my dearest brother, make your choice."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other man nods, a slight smirk on his lips. He eyes the crowd until he meets the eyes that shine bright in the darkness of the night and extends his hands, his smirk replaced by a serene smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Lorraine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart skips a beat when she hears her name. By her side, Bethany lets out a small sound that sounds like a squeal. Lorraine must have squeezed her hand tight because Bethany is pushing her forward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Go! Lora, he chose you. Go!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde looks over her shoulder, looking into Bethany's eyes one more time; the girl beams and nods her head. It feels like a walk of shame, except it isn't. Lorraine feels eyes on her, hears whispers among the crowd but all she can think about is John Seed waiting for her. He looks even taller this close; his blue oceans study her, a warm curl of his lips make Lorraine smile herself. When there are two steps away from him, Lora stops and takes a deep breath. Then she takes his hands - </span>
  <em>
    <span>hers are trembling violently</span>
  </em>
  <span> - and follows him into the cold water. Somehow, she trusts him; the way he holds her hands and the way he doesn't rush her calms Lorraine down and when she's ready, steps even closer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I am going to dip you under the water," he talks quietly and Lorraine nods, unable to look away from his eyes. The colour of his eyes is so calming Lora thinks she's drowning. "Close your eyes and hold your breath, count to three and then open your eyes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I understand," Lorraine manages to finally speak despite the gnashing of her teeth due to the cold. When John lets go of her hands, Lorraine panics.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't worry," Lora feels his arms circle around her waist and she slowly calms down. "I won't let you drown."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora closes her eyes after that, relaxing in John Seed's arms, completely trusting him with her body. She does as he says: closes her eyes, holds her breath, counts to three and when she opens her eyes, she's already under the water. The first thing she notices is a white glimmer in the light green waters dancing in front of her eyes, looking very much like fairies Lorraine doesn't believe in, but she enjoys it nonetheless; as much as she enjoys the weightless feeling despite being held by the strong arms of the Baptist - and it all feels like heaven. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She comes out of the water a new person. John Seed's blue eyes are the first thing she sees and they share a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In this very moment, Lorraine forgets that the world exists because everything that matters right now is the way she feels - light, ethereal, ready to move mountains and start a new chapter in her life.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. the devil knows our fears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Lorraine decides it's time to face her fears and the old friend once again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Big thanks racheljessop/adelaidedrubman on tumblr for beta this chapter ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Brother John is watching you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine rolls her eyes for what it seems like to be the tenth time this morning, her cheeks growing red at the mention of the Baptist. It’s been over the week since they met for the first time, since the cleansing that had changed Lora’s attitude about all of this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was on the verge of quitting. Running away without turning back, like a coward, because it’s been extremely hard to keep her face straight during the sermons, even harder when she was left alone with her thoughts, unable to control them. Going to the Father seemed like a very bad idea, but not because Lorraine was sure he wouldn’t understand her; she concluded that she was scared of him – of Joseph Seed, the man who helped her to find a family, a purpose in her life – but there was still something eerie about him. Something that made Lorraine shiver whenever their eyes met.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John Seed, however, was a closed book Lorraine could not read. It wasn't a bad nor good thing, but she found herself thinking about him - daydreaming - thinking of the way he held her during the baptism, the way his hands held her. As if she was a porcelain doll that was about to break. In some capacity, Lorraine was broken; the pieces that held her together were about to shatter when the Father and this place came into her life and turned it upside down. She was dragged into this whirlwind of emotional breakdowns and mental change and she was finally here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Healed. Cleansed. Fixed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The more she thinks about it, the more Lorraine realizes that she was able to change after the baptism. Feeling holy and ethereal in John Seed's arms, protected and lulled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Penny for your thoughts?" She heard Bethany giggle that began to bring people's attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora hissed at her friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Stop it! They are looking at you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And John Seed is looking at you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, he isn't."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, he so is. Has been for the past ten minutes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can you please stop and let me eat?" Lora sighed, looking down at her porridge. "You are being awfully interested in him. And me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine gave Beth a stare and returned to her food that she didn't want to finish now. Not because it was disgusting - <em>it was somewhat decent</em> - but Bethany's comments made an emotional mess out of Lorraine again, with her overthinking and panic over the fact that someone is truly watching, judging her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She suddenly became very cautious of how she looks; is she wearing the dress she wore yesterday? Is it white enough, or she should have washed it earlier? Is it her hair? Lora anxiously tucked a loose strand behind her ear, feeling her cheeks become hot again. She was probably worrying over nothing and tried to shush the voice at the back of her head telling her to look in John Seed's direction, make sure he's finally gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora had never been good when it came to boys and dating and other romantic stuff; her and Rachel were busy surfing the rooftops and getting high, lost in the world where nothing bothers them and it's just the two of them: peaceful, happy, free. When it comes to boys, Lorraine knew she was an ugly duckling in comparison to Rachel; she accepted it years ago that no one would even look to her side and now, hearing Bethany bringing up John, casually dropping that he's looking at Lora - it all seemed like a fake scenario of a person who decided to laugh at Lorraine's lack of experience with dealing with attention from the opposite sex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately for Lora, it got even worse when Bethany nudged her shoulder and whispered <em>'</em></span>
  <em>
    <span><em>o</em>h dear God, he's coming here!</span>
  </em>
  <span>' furiously, triggering Lorraine's anxiety and completely shutting her brain when Dorsey indeed noticed John Seed approaching them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Good morning, ladies," he greeted them politely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unlike her friend, who chirped a friendly 'good morning, brother John', the blonde couldn't say a word, staring up at the man, ready to pass out at any given moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sister Bethany, I need your help with this weekend's cleansing. Our new brothers and sister would love to see a friendly face." John nodded his head once he received an answer that Bethany would be there, and smiled in Lorraine's side sweetly. "Sister Lorraine, you can join us too, if you'd like."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Th- thank you, brother John," Lora was finally able to mutter some words and crack a somewhat crooked smile that probably looked like a scowl. Her communication skills were a mess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Have a great day, dears."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You too, brother John!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unlike Bethany, who was radiating excitement and happiness, Lorraine felt like she was put in the ice bath for one thousand years and just came back from her slumber. She registered Beth's voice telling her to finish her breakfast because they have plenty of other things to get done today: from attending Joseph's sermons to cooking dinner. Lora followed her friend automatically, doing everything mostly out of habit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Funny</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lora's inner voice mocked her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>how one man can affect your well being by just talking to you about something very random</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It got better during the day. Two or three hours later, Lorraine could think straight, distracted by helping the children with reading books and talking to their mothers, learning new things about this place and the people here. She was stunned to learn that there are people who came from generations - those who were with the Father from the very beginning, witnessing the birth of this place and contributed to the project without knowing if it'd be successful in the end. Lorraine always admired how dedicated people can be when they truly want to create something, put their soul and effort and every little resource they can find in themselves; she thinks it's beautiful and inspiring, and something she wouldn't be able to do if asked. Because for her, it was easier to drown her sorrows in alcohol and getting high while actually trying to find a solution for how to get better and stop wasting her years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Watching the mothers playing with their children, Lorraine thought how lucky she is to live in this very moment, being among all these people, seeing them so happy made her happy. A place where she truly belongs. A place where she could finally fight her demons and let it all out, remember who she is, and that she has a whole life ahead, full of adventures and new people she can meet by simply allowing herself to live. Lora did not forget about her troubles though, keeping them stored at the back of her mind, locked securely. Maybe, she would need them one day; as a reminder that she was strong enough to move on, at least for now; strong enough to leave everything behind and disappear without a trace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A little girl ran past her and the blonde smiled, watching a child's mother telling her to be careful and watch where she's running.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine furrowed her eyebrows, thinking of her parents and if they even noticed their daughter gone, if they were looking for her. They were never close, and grew even further apart when Lorraine met Rachel and the two of them started hanging out after school and on the weekends, constantly looking for adventures and escaping their boring life with all things illegal and dangerous. Two lost creatures that found each other when they needed each other the most, bonded with an invisible thread sharing the same pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things would be different, perhaps, if they hadn't met. If Lorraine didn't get so attached to a person that became the whole world for her, someone she would blindly follow, someone she would die for if necessary. She doesn't know if Rachel would do the same, but Lora wanted to believe that she would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine chewed on her lower lip as she thought of their first meeting with Rachel being Faith - and how terribly wrong it went due to Lora's breakdown and how everything would've been different if only Lora could have one more chance to meet sister Faith and have a nice calm conversation about everything. Explain to her that everything they've been through together would not go away, that she is the same Lorraine Faith - Rachel - knew. Ask her the burning questions that hurt Lora to this very day, a red flag she cannot get rid of until she faces her fears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Can a person be a symbol of fear?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Can they be the trigger?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is she brave enough to face it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The questions would follow Lorraine during the whole day. Deep in her thoughts, she almost burns the bread they are baking, and adds too much salt in the salad, earning a stare from Bethany who eyes her sceptically but doesn’t say anything, for which Lorraine is grateful. Explaining to Beth her thinking (overthinking) process would be too much of a problem, especially with Lora not being ready to share some of the personal information that included sister Faith's background.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Do they even know about her past? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is everything okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine blinks a few times and meets Beth's eyes. The other girl smiles sweetly and nods her head to Lorraine's spoon full of soup.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You've been sitting like this for like, two minutes. Your food is getting cold."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I just," Lorraine places the spoon in her plate and sighs. "Thinking."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I noticed. Is there something that bothers you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Where is... um, sister Faith? She surely doesn't ignore her family, does she?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because this is not Rachel at all. She is the loveliest person Lora's ever met.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Of course not," Bethany grins and moves closer. "She's a shy one, or from what I've seen. On top of that, she has a lot to do in her region."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So she... she's not here often?" Lorraine tries to sound as casual as possible but Beth eyes her suspiciously. "I'm just curious! She is a part of the family, isn't she? I just thought... I thought she would want to, uh, meet new people."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Curiosity killed the cat," Beth giggles and sits straight, returning to her food. "You don't have to worry about it, Lora. Sister Faith loves all of us, whether she is present or not. And the brothers deliver the food for her."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do they?" Lorraine clings to another piece of information, changing the topic. She throws a quick glance at Joseph, John and Jacob's seats and then back to her friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh yes, brother John and sister Faith are very close," the dark-haired girl chews on a piece of bread. "I don't know about Jacob, but they do interact less."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jacob is scary."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He is," the other girl looks over her shoulder to look at the man. Just their luck when Lorraine notices him looking to their side, and Bethany immediately smiles politely and nods her head in a greeting; Lora repeats the motion but her blood runs cold when her and Jacob's eyes meet. She looks away immediately and shoves a spoonful of soup in her mouth. Bethany laughs quietly and covers her mouth with her hand. "He's good at protecting us, though. I trust him with my life."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Aaaww."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Not like this, Lorraine!" Beth hisses, a lovely blush covering her cheeks. Lora can't help but start giggling herself. "He's... like, old. For me. For you too, by the way! Shush!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He is not my type," Lorraine doesn't really think, bursts out the first thing that comes to her mind. Once the realization of what she just said hits her, Dorsey stuffs her mouth with her bread.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ooohh? And what is your type, exactly? Tall dark-haired men? Or... petite gorgeous ladies?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde rolls her eyes and gets back to her food, making a mental note to ask Bethany more about sister Faith, and maybe Bethany's own experience of being here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just now Lorraine thinks how she barely knows Beth, even after everything she did for her. After being beside her at Lora's worst, helping her to get through the dark times and accepting her for who she is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the end of the day, when Lorraine is tucked in her bed, covers high up her chin, warm and cosy, she works up the courage to get up and visit Bethany and demand - no, gently persuade - her into telling her more about herself and sister Faith. Even if it's just the smallest detail, a tiny piece of information that would get Lorraine closer to meeting Rachel once again - when she is the most prepared, when she knows what to expect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany's room is thankfully not too far away, but Lora still throws a cardigan on her shoulders and tiptoes to the carved white door, knocking three times, hoping Bethany is awake. The blonde woman decides to count to ten and then leave, but she can barely get to her when Bethany's face appears and Lorraine feels dumbfounded seeing the other girl's grin. She takes Lora's hand and pulls closer, shutting the door behind them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I knew you'd come."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You did?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Bethany scoffs and waves her hand on the rocking chair for Lora to sit in. Bethany herself sits on her bed, studying Lorraine. "After that talk, we had earlier? C’mon, Lora, I'm not dumb."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I wasn't saying you're dumb!" Lora panics. Bethany notices her friend's reaction and immediately regrets what she just said. "I... I just... I wasn't sure..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You knew her."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You knew sister Faith. Before all of this."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorraine holds her breath and looks down at her hands, which begin to shake slightly. Gosh, it was so much easier in her head, when she thought of everything she'd ask and now she is... lost. The memory of an old friend hurting her as it did all these years after Rachel disappeared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I knew that there was something between the two of you from the moment that I told you about sister Faith for the first time," Bethany's voice is suddenly quiet, soft. Just above the whisper. "It was supposed to be like this, Lorraine. You had to go through this, do you understand that? Face your demons, even if they wear the mask of someone you loved."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It wasn't love."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then what was it?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lora looks up at the ceiling, exhaling shakily. Her eyes fill with the tears she thought she was finally free from, but there is a barely visible smile on her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We were... best friends. She came into my life when I needed her the most, and I think it was the same for her because we realized that together, we're going to be okay. That together, the pain would be... that there would be less pain and suffering because we took care of each other. I treated her like my sister, and she did too, but then somehow we took the wrong turn and things got worse."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Were you together?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No," Lorraine chuckles and shakes her head. "Well... I thought of her as more than a friend sometimes, but I was just curious. I don't think we could even work out. And then there was someone else, and she started to hang out with her more and things got... complicated. I think the best part of having a new friend with us made me realize that I think of her as my sister. Someone I could dedicate my whole life to protecting. I always thought I loved her more than she loved me. I gave and gave and gave, and I didn't always receive the same amount of care and love I gave."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That doesn't mean she loved you less," Lora meets Bethany's gaze. A few teardrops roll down Lorraine's cheek. "I don't know what the two of you had to go through, but I think she cared about you more than you think."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"She cared so much that she left." Lorraine's voice breaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe she left because she wanted to protect you. Because she knew that whatever the two of you were up to would kill you both."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Perhaps it should have</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lorraine thinks bitterly to herself but doesn't say anything. She stares at her hands, thinking of the way she held Rachel the last time,  how safe she felt with Rachel's arms around her, with Rachel telling her that she's going to be alright.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rachel sacrificing herself sounds very much like the Rachel Lorraine knew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I need to see her."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Lorraine..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, just listen," Lora wipes the tears off her cheek and sits next to Bethany, taking her hands in hers. "Please. Please, Beth, I need to see her. I had a chance weeks ago, and I fucked up, and now I am ready."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's not about you being ready, dear," the dark-haired girl sighs, but her voice is gentle. Lorraine looks at her pleadingly. "Lora, you can't just... call her and ask for a meeting. Sister Faith comes to the people whenever she feels like they need to see her."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She needs her. God knows how much Lorraine needs Rachel, to see her at least once, even if they won't talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I need her," Lora whispers. "I... do."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bethany smiles and leans to place a soft kiss on the blonde girl's forehead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then she will come to you. It's just a matter of time."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading ♥</p></blockquote></div></div>
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